Resiliency: building unbreakable strength in uncertain times

Resiliency refers to your ability to respond to traumatic or stressful events in healthy ways. Regardless of the nature of trauma, resiliency determines how you deal with it.

You can use personal resilience to overcome adversities like the following:

• Poverty
• A loved one’s death
• Divorce
• Medical emergencies
• Natural disasters
• Losing your job 
• All types of abuse
• Life-altering accidents

Remember that perceived hardships also vary across populations. For some, childhood trauma could include changing schools or a best friend moving away. For others, it might be experiencing a terrorist attack or detainment. 

Everyone defines trauma differently. Resilience is how you rebuild and continue living life after trying times.

Resiliency helps you cope with stress and hardship. Resilience benefits your psychological well-being and results in the following: 

• Improved emotional regulation
• Less worrying
• A greater sense of control
• Increased self-awareness
• Healthier coping mechanisms

5 key ingredients of resiliency

If you feel like resiliency may be a weakness of yours, have hope. Psychological resilience is something anyone can learn at any time.

BetterUp research on resilience shows that people low in resilience can see a 125% increase with just 3 or 4 months of coaching. Even throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, BetterUp members grew in resilience by 17%. This is evidence that you can build resilience when you need it most. 

Here are the five key ingredients of resiliency you can act on.

Cognitive agility

Cognitive agility is adapting and shifting your thought processes to focus on more positive outcomes. Cognitive abilities are the skills you need to perform tasks related to the following:

• Perception
• Memory
• Understanding
• Reasoning
• Intuition 
• Awareness

A stronger sense of purpose leads to cognitive resilience, more effective problem-solving strategies, and enhanced critical thinking. 

Emotional regulation

Emotional regulation refers to your ability to control your emotions. Resilience improves your ability to regulate emotions by enhancing self-esteem, perceived social support, and happiness. These all contribute to resiliency. 

Self-compassion

Self-compassion strengthens resilience by teaching you how to treat yourself with care. It helps you focus less on your weaknesses and more on coping strategies.

Resilience research shows that self-compassion can predict greater resiliency in people with chronic conditions like multiple sclerosis.

Optimism

Optimism refers to your ability to anticipate positive outcomes. A study on older European adults showed optimism helps people manage adversity, cope with depression, and improve their quality of life.

Self-efficacy

Self-efficacy is a belief in your ability to achieve your goals. Resilience and self-efficacy go hand in hand. A study on college students in China during the pandemic found that higher resilience led to a higher belief in oneself. Both of these factors are key to helping you deal with challenges.

How to cultivate a resilient mindset in hardship

While you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you react. Several factors can help you develop a resilient mindset and prepare you for hard times. These “protective factors” include the following:

• Being part of a community
• Maintaining physical and mental health
• Financial security
• Spirituality 
• Close relationships

Focusing on these things when life is going well can help you build resiliency for stressors that may lie ahead.

Here are some additional ways you can cultivate a resiliency mindset:

Recognize self-talk patterns

Self-talk refers to how you talk to yourself about yourself, others, and the world around you. It’s the inner monologue that helps you make sense of everyday situations.

Self-talk is important because what you say to yourself and how you feel are linked. Self-talk can be positive or negative. It can build you up and give you confidence or break you down emotionally.

Here are some examples of positive self-talk:

• “I choose to learn from my mistakes.”
• “This is challenging, but it could be worse.”
• “I have a purpose.”

Positive self-talk is healthy and has mental and physical health benefits that include the following:

• Lower rates of depression
• Better physical well-being
• A strengthened immune system
• Better stress management

Negative self-talk, on the other hand, often focuses on self-criticism and may sound like the following statements:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I will fail.”
• “My life is awful.”
• “I’m better off alone.”

Patterns of negative self-talk related to resiliency include the following:

• Catastrophizing, or jumping to the worst conclusions
• Polarizing, which describes all-or-nothing thinking
• Personalizing, which is when you blame yourself for things you didn’t do
• Fortune telling, or predicting something negative is going to happen

It’s critical to recognize these automatic negative thoughts when they arrive so you can stop them from making the situation worse. 

Negative self-talk can affect your mental health, which ultimately impacts how you respond to stressful life experiences. Cultivating positive self-talk is essential for building resiliency. 

Embrace a growth mindset

A growth mindset refers to the belief that you can improve over time. Developing a growth mindset challenges negative thought patterns. It helps create the building blocks of resilience. 

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to build a growth mindset:

• Are things as bad as I’m making them seem?
• What’s a more positive way to interpret the situation? 
• What can I learn from this experience?
• How can this situation make me a better person?

Consistently challenging negative thoughts and identifying more positive ways of thinking will help you build resiliency.

Build optimism & hope

Optimism is a state of mind that helps you see the positives in any situation. Optimism can benefit your health, build persistence, and help you handle setbacks.

Some ways you can cultivate a positive mental attitude include the following:

• Practice gratitude
• Nurture your spiritual wellness
• Focus more on the process and your efforts than the results
• Surround yourself with people who have positive personality traits

Develop healthy habits & practice

Creating healthy habits and caring for your physical and mental health can nurture resilience. A healthy lifestyle can transform your life by keeping you happy and well.

Here are a few ways you can live a healthier life:

• Find meaning and purpose at work 
• Improve your sleep hygiene
• Focus on healthy eating
• Find a workout routine you enjoy
• Build healthy relationships
• Practice self-care
• Learn to ask for help when you need it

Resiliency in action: case studies & inspiring stories

Discussing the concept of resiliency is one thing, but seeing what it looks like in practice is another. Here are a few examples of resiliency stories to inspire your journey.

Resilience case study 1: Bethany Hamilton

Born in 1990, Bethany Hamilton aspired to be a professional surfer. At the age of 13, she survived an attack by a 14-foot tiger shark, which bit off her left arm just below her shoulder.

Despite experiencing a traumatic event while doing her favorite activity, she was determined to get back on the waves. Just a month later, she was out on the water, relearning how to surf. She returned to competitions and won many top titles. 

How her story shows resiliency: Instead of forever associating surfing with fear and negative memories, Hamilton decided to face her fears head-on. She chose optimism, self-efficacy, and self-compassion to reframe her situation positively. 

Resiliency case study 2: Sarah Jessica Parker

Well-known actor Sarah Jessica Parker was born in a poor coal-mining town in rural Ohio. Her parents divorced when she was young. As her family struggled with finances, she took up singing and dancing to help supplement her mom’s teaching income and feed their 10-person family. 

Despite hard times and occasionally being on welfare, Parker’s mom continued to encourage her daughter’s interest in the arts. Parker enrolled in a ballet, music, and theater school on scholarship. 

At age 11, she debuted on Broadway, which kickstarted decades of hard work and increasingly visible roles. Since then, she has won dozens of awards, including multiple Golden Globes and Primetime Emmys, among others.

How her story shows resiliency: Despite lacking resources, Parker continued pursuing what she loved by using a resilient mindset and believing in her abilities. She persistently put in the energy to flip her financial instability upside down.

Take charge of your resiliency journey

Resiliency is an important tool for improving your life, whether you want to overcome hardship, shift your mindset, or achieve new goals. 

BetterUp coaches help individuals create personalized plans for building resiliency to develop a better attitude, increase adaptability, and enjoy a fulfilled life. Find your coach now to start your journey toward a more resilient mindset.