Sometimes you walk away from a conversation with no idea how it went.
You aren’t sure if you were friendly enough or if you said the right thing. It’s enough to send your insecurities into overdrive. For the rest of the day, you may find your thoughts fixated on what you said — and what you could have said instead.
Replaying a conversation in your head is a classic example of overthinking, and everyone’s guilty of it.
It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to stop worrying entirely. But when you overthink everything and feel anxious and insecure about your decisions, it’s time to make some changes.
Kick off your self-improvement journey by learning how to stop overthinking.
What's overthinking?
Overthinking is a thought process where you ruminate on past events, worst-case scenarios, or future outcomes. That can mean replaying conversations or considering all the possible answers you didn’t share in a job interview. Or, overthinking can involve second-guessing decisions and imagining worst-case scenarios.
This habit, of thinking about past “If only”s and future “What if”s, is often fuelled by anxiety and worry. You’re anxious about whether you made a mistake or said something offensive, for example, or are worried about whether something bad might happen in the future.
You might think if you consider these scenarios enough, you’ll comfort yourself or find solutions to potential problems. Most often, though, this overthinking just stresses you out and keeps you from living in the present.
Is overthinking the same thing as worrying?
Mulling over a decision is perfectly normal and usually helpful. You’ll process these thoughts to determine the best choice in the situation.
Worrying — which is also very common — isn’t usually action-oriented or helpful. You might sit with a situation for too long pondering the worst outcomes that could arise without making a decision about how to deal with it. But this process doesn’t prevent you from living your life.
Overthinking stops you in your tracks. It’s impossible to decide or move forward because you’re so overwhelmed by your thoughts.
What's automatic negative thinking?
When you overthink, your mind usually goes in a pessimistic direction.
Automatic negative thinking (ANT) refers to involuntarily thinking negative thoughts. Consider it like a reflex, like a knee-jerk or head turn. These responses to everyday situations are often irrational and self-sabotaging.
Destructive thought patterns are more likely to linger inside your mind than positive ones. They make you feel overwhelmed and socially anxious because you’re afraid to screw up.
What seems like overthinking is sometimes beneficial. When it’s forward-focused and explores variables rather than trying to control them, you can consider multiple scenarios and explore possible outcomes to prepare for events or high-stakes conversations.
Having thought through possibilities, you might feel more confident choosing a problem-solving strategy. That can actually be good for your mental health. But chronic overthinkers who focus on what they can't control might suffer adverse health conditions from the stress.
Types of destructive thought patterns
The anxiety brought on by overthinking can make it hard to analyze a situation calmly and rationally. Some common negative thought processes include:
Overgeneralizing
There’s always a comedown when you experience a setback or disappointment. Based on this failure, you may decide that you’ll never succeed at anything you try. In this case, you’re falling prey to a type of negative thinking known as overgeneralizing. You’ve had one bad experience and now generalize that every experience will be the same.
Catastrophizing
When you’re stuck worrying about an event or problem, it’s easy to fixate on the worst-case scenario. You start to expect it, feeling like it’s inevitable when that’s not true.
All-or-nothing thinking
All-or-nothing thinking regards feeling like no matter what you attempt, you’ll either be the best or a complete and utter failure. There’s no in-between. You can’t accept living your life in the grey area between these extremes. This makes it difficult to find what you’re good at because you expect immediate perfection, which doesn’t allow you to develop your abilities over time.
5 signs you’re overthinking
You might not know when you’ve crossed the line from thoughtful consideration to damaging overthinking, especially if you have an analytical bent. But you’re likely becoming dangerously preoccupied when you:
1. Can’t think about anything else
If you begin and end your day with worries top of mind, you’re likely overthinking. These intrusive thoughts might consume your mind to the point that they interfere with work and relationships.
2. Focusing on things you can’t control
Sometimes the success or failure of your decisions can hinge on factors outside your control. When overthinking, you might tend to focus on these elements and won’t finalize choices until you find a way to dictate the outcome — an impossible task.
3. Second-guess your decisions
You know you’re overthinking if, when you manage to make a decision, you’re overwhelmed with doubts about whether you made the right one and the consequences if you didn’t.
4. Feel mentally exhausted
Overthinking creates a negative feedback loop that saps your mental energy. You might feel you’re cycling through potential choices and their outcomes, unable to decide.
5. Can’t relax
If you’re overthinking, you’ll feel like you're under significant stress, experiencing tension throughout your body. You might notice your jaw clenching and shoulders tightening. You may even experience an eyelid twitch or back spasms. All these symptoms could affect your sleep.
The short-term effects of overthinking can lead to significant long-term consequences affecting your physical health and overall well-being.
What triggers overthinking?
People tend to overthink because:
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They get into the habit from an early age
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Overthinking gives them a false sense of control
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They require a sense of certainty before making a decision
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They need to know that everything was or will be absolutely perfect
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They want to avoid conflict
What are the consequences of overthinking?
If left unaddressed, overthinking can lead to some significant negative impacts affecting your:
Physical health
Physical manifestations are similar to those for anxiety and include:
- Insomnia
- Fatigue
- Headaches
- Nausea
- Weight gain or loss
These difficulties further add to the emotional load caused by overthinking, making life seem much more difficult.
Mental health
Overthinking increases stress levels and amplifies your risk of depression and anxiety, which can be challenging to overcome.
Self-esteem
It’s hard to feel good about yourself when your mistakes and shortcomings play on repeat in your head. That type of internal dialogue can wear away at your confidence levels and self-worth over time, leaving your self-esteem in tatters.
Cognitive function
Continually researching or searching for second opinions is a form of indecision known as analysis paralysis — or decision fatigue. You overwhelm yourself with information and options, you can no longer make a decision. This makes it impossible to draw conclusions anywhere in your personal or professional life.
How to stop overthinking: 8 strategies
As challenging as the consequences may seem, you can apply the following strategies to help stop overthinking:
1. Take deep breaths
Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly. Deep breaths deliver more oxygen to the brain, activating your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for helping you “rest and digest.”
It's the opposite of your sympathetic nervous system, which triggers your “fight or flight” response. In other words, it calms you down, diminishing fearful and anxious thoughts and clearing your mind.
2. Find a distraction
Distractions help you forget what’s troubling you. A temporary distraction is often precisely what you need to recharge. Easy distractions include:
It can be hard to start at first but give yourself a time limit, like reading for half an hour. Within minutes, you may find yourself immersed in another world.
3. Look at the big picture
When you’re in the moment, it’s hard to see how far you’ve come. That’s when it can be helpful to take a step back and examine the big picture. Remember: no one will remember how you did in a presentation or whether you told a bad joke.
Recognizing ANTs is also helpful. Try to recognize when you start to spiral or jump to negative conclusions and the feelings these thoughts trigger. Being self-aware is crucial to better understand yourself and making positive thought-pattern changes.
4. Acknowledge your successes
You deserve a pat on the back for your successes, no matter how small or big. And don’t forget about self-compassion regarding your failures. Every mistake is a learning experience.
5. Embrace your fears
There’s no changing the past. But you can adjust how you respond to memories from past life experiences. Nurturing positive thoughts while accepting that errors aren’t the end of the world is a great way to prepare for future setbacks and encourage resilience. Being a little afraid is healthy if you can push past it to continue toward your goals.
6. Start journaling
Writing daily in a journal is a fantastic way to reflect on your attitudes and progress. It’s also been found to reduce anxiety symptoms you might experience when overthinking. And it forces you to carve some time for rest in your busy schedule.
7. Live in the moment
Take control of your thoughts to live in the present. You don't do this by fighting them but by accepting them and letting them go. The more you actively train your brain to shift from past and future thinking to the present, the more automatic it'll be.
Learning to think and talk about yourself positively can also prevent you from dwelling on the past since you won’t feel the need to judge everything you’ve said and done.
8. Ask for help
Everyone overthinks occasionally. But if it’s getting out of hand, consider contacting a mental health professional. Professional helpers like a coach or therapist can guide you through dark times and teach you to reframe your thoughts.
You’re not alone
Learning how to stop overthinking is an important step — having the courage to reach out for help is another one.
This doesn’t necessitate speaking with a therapist — overthinking is so common, you likely have friends and family that can relate and would work with you to check in on progress and act as your accountability partner.
Just remember that it’s possible to stop overthinking. You'll always be afraid of certain situations, but that doesn’t have to hold you back from living a vibrant life.
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