Developing emotional intelligence skills for lasting success

Picture yourself sitting in a meeting. Suddenly, your heart begins to pound, and your palms grow sweaty. These types of physical signs can be common symptoms of anxiety. Noticing when you experience them can help you recognize situations that make you feel anxious.

Connecting physical feelings to a potential psychological source is an emotional intelligence skill. Emotional intelligence skills help you learn how to improve relationships and manage stress. For example, you may find that taking some deep breaths or going for a walk helps you feel better.

Emotional intelligence is important in your personal and professional life. It’s also a skill you can learn by developing greater self-awareness. When fine-tuned, emotional intelligence skills can help you become more compassionate and successful.

More than ‘people skills:’ what is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence, or emotional quotient (EQ), is the ability to manage your emotions. It also allows you to understand the emotions of the people around you. Unlike your intelligence quotient (IQ), emotional intelligence isn't based on knowing facts. Instead, it focuses on emotional self-awareness. 

Say you feel butterflies in your stomach before a presentation. By noticing this physical feeling, you can identify the corresponding emotion: nervousness. Positive self-talk can be a helpful way to manage this emotion. 

Those who are emotionally mature are also better at recognizing others' emotions. Emotional maturity allows you to have greater compassion for the people around you. 

Imagine a colleague or friend is acting out of character. If you are emotionally mature and intelligent, you can avoid getting angry or confused. Instead, you remember that external factors may be influencing them. Ask if they’re OK. You may learn they are having a stressful week or experiencing challenges in their personal life. Such context allows you to show them greater compassion, understanding, and flexibility.

When identifying your emotions, make sure you don’t avoid feeling them in the process. There is a difference between intellectualizing your feelings and feeling them. Psychology Today says that intellectualization is the act of analyzing emotions. It’s a coping mechanism to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Remember that feeling your emotions is an important part of processing them. 

Why does emotional intelligence matter?

Emotional intelligence skills help you build stronger relationships with yourself and others. They help you better identify your emotions and how to regulate them. In doing so, you uncover where to set boundaries and potential emotional triggers.

Additionally, individuals with high EQ are better set up for success in the workplace. A 2022 meta-analysis shows a positive correlation between EQ and job performance. The analysis also shows that emotionally intelligent workers feel less job stress.

A high EQ allows you to navigate professional challenges while remaining calm and composed. It helps you look at the situation with less emotion and from other perspectives. When you understand the logic behind your colleague’s opinions, you’re more likely to find common ground. As such, solving complex workplace problems and resolving conflict becomes easier. 

EQ also extends to a company’s leadership. Research from the Niagara Institute made a curious discovery. Out of 155,000 leaders, only 22% of leaders possessed strong emotional intelligence. As a leader, a high EQ allows you to communicate well and better manage stress.

Does your emotional intelligence need work?

Improving your emotional intelligence takes practice. The first step is identifying that it’s something you need to work on. Here are four signs that may encourage you to focus on boosting your emotional intelligence within your team at work:

1. You struggle with handling negative emotions. Negative emotions are a normal part of the human experience. Bad feelings are unavoidable. But if you find it challenging to handle any negative emotion, it could be a sign that it’s time to focus on boosting your EQ.
2. You interrupt people often. If you have a good EQ, you can give others space to speak without overshadowing them. If you catch yourself interrupting people, it’s a sign you could work to improve your EQ.
3. You don’t accept the things you could work on. Self-improvement is a delicate balance. It means appreciating who you are while identifying characteristics you could improve upon. If you don’t accept the areas of improvement, a lack of EQ could be the culprit. 
4. You’re not interested in learning from other people. Your interpersonal relationships are crucial to learning how to manage emotions. You can learn a lot by listening to what other people have to share.  

The more you practice improving your emotional intelligence, the easier it will become. By watching for the above characteristics, you’re already becoming more self-aware. 

Improving emotional intelligence starts with understanding its core parts. There are five key pillars of EQ.

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to consider yourself from an outsider’s perspective. It includes your ability to identify personal biases and negative thoughts about yourself. Self-awareness also means noticing why you respond to events as you do. Having self-awareness helps you better understand how your feelings impact your behavior. 

To practice emotional awareness, try labeling your feelings, which lessens their intensity. Recognizing your feelings helps you open your mind to better assess and address what comes up. You could also start a journaling practice to understand how your feelings affect you. 

2. Emotional regulation

For most individuals, emotional regulation follows self-awareness. It’s your ability to respond to and manage your emotions. Once you’ve used self-awareness to identify an emotion, regulation helps you navigate it. 

Say you’re feeling angry after a frustrating meeting. Instead of bottling up your negative emotions, you could try a healthy coping strategy. Taking deep breaths or going for a walk are two excellent options.

3. Self-motivation

Self-motivation is internal encouragement to achieve your goals. It’s the intrinsic motivation to understand yourself for yourself. It's not about a physical reward.  

It takes commitment, practice, and motivation to work on understanding your emotions. Start by determining your motivators. This might include noticing that certain situations are emotional triggers. Once you find your motivators, learning how to regulate your emotions is the next challenge.

4. Empathy

Empathy differs from sympathy because empathy means you share the other person's emotions. With sympathy, you understand how they feel but don't share in it. If a friend feels down because they didn’t receive the raise they wanted, being empathetic means you feel disappointed as well. You can then offer them more authentic and meaningful support.

By understanding your emotions, you can be more empathetic toward others. In the workplace, you might showcase empathy by approaching workplace conflict with compassion. After all, you never know the day a coworker is having. 

5. Effective communication

Skills like self-awareness, emotional regulation, and empathy are great for relationship building. By adding communication skills, you’ll find it’s easier to talk about your feelings. You’ll see you can identify and explain your emotions to another person in a way they’ll understand.

Good communication builds transparency, honesty, and trust in your relationships. To become an emotionally intelligent communicator, practice active listening. Active listening involves avoiding interruptions. Instead of thinking about a response while the other person is speaking, learn to listen more. 

How to develop your emotional intelligence skills

People with emotional intelligence are an asset in the workplace. They can communicate their needs, empathize with coworkers, and defuse emotionally charged conflict. Here are five tips for developing your emotional intelligence skills:

1. Establish emotional boundaries. One of the best ways to remain professional is to establish emotional boundaries in your work relationships. You might decide not to discuss personal matters with your manager or share political views in client meetings. 
2. Remain flexible. Cognitive flexibility helps you adapt to unplanned events and manage negative emotions. Delayed tasks from a colleague might slow down your workflow, causing frustration. If you’re mentally flexible, you can adjust to this update. You’ll also be able to communicate any frustration in a professional manner.  
3. Develop empathy. When you improve your emotional intelligence, you also improve your empathy. Knowing more about your emotions helps you recognize them in others. It enables you to better understand why your coworkers behave the way they do in certain situations. With empathy, you can approach them in a compassionate and supportive manner. 
4. Work with an accountability partner. Consider working with a trusted friend, mentor, or mental health professional. These individuals can help you name your feelings and explore the physical symptoms they cause. With a partner, you can have regular check-ins to touch base on progress and to identify moments you let your emotions get the better of you.  
5. Ask for feedback. When creating your emotional-intelligence-focused goals, ask coworkers and your manager for feedback. Try also requesting specific feedback about your behavior. You might ask whether they think you showcase the habits of an empathetic person or if you tend to raise your voice during conflicts. Use the insights from feedback to make smart goals. Remember to check in with these individuals about progress throughout your self-improvement journey.

Where you’ll see life improvement with better emotional intelligence skills

When you have greater insight into why you feel a certain way, you can create more effective strategies to manage those emotions. As a result, you can improve your overall well-being. Here are six benefits of improving your life through emotional intelligence.

1. More effective leadership

Emotional intelligence is a key leadership trait. It allows leaders to foster greater empathy to understand their team’s needs. Effective leaders can help set their teams up for success through clear communication.

Leaders with emotional intelligence can recognize their emotions, too. This skill allows leaders to manage emotions better as well. This can be especially important when dealing with challenging projects or workplace conflicts. A manager is responsible for maintaining team morale and fostering strong working relationships. A great manager can lead by example and encourage emotional intelligence across the entire team. 

2. Better communication

Poor communication is a common cause of workplace misunderstandings. You might escalate an otherwise healthy dispute if you can’t express yourself in a professional manner. Or you could communicate project specifications in an unclear way. This could waste team members' time and effort, leading to frustration. 

Understanding your emotions means you can articulate your wants and needs well. Doing so ensures setting clear expectations so people don’t disappoint you or feel confused about your behavior.

3. Increased self-control

If you know how you feel and why, as well as how your feelings affect your behavior, you gain more self-control over your actions. As a result, you'll be better at self-regulating negative emotions and their resulting behaviors. You'll then be able to advocate for your needs to feel more self-determination. 

Say a colleague turns in their part of a project late, resulting in a delay for you. Instead of becoming angry at them, look for places where the process could have been more efficient. You might check in with your coworker to see if they experienced any confusion. Emotional intelligence allows you to look at the situation from other points of view.

4. Decreased stress

Stress can hinder your ability to focus and perform tasks to your best ability. If you’re too stressed to complete your work, it leads to even more stress. But high emotional intelligence means you learn more about what overwhelms you. You can then calm yourself quicker when workplace stress is unavoidable.

For example, say you have a busy work week with several important deadlines. The thought of everything you have to complete is overwhelming and stressful. Instead of giving in to the stress, you can use your go-to strategies to manage stress. You might decide to have a spa day or spend time with loved ones. Identifying stress before it becomes too overwhelming can help you manage it. 

5. Greater desirability to recruiters

Those with high emotional intelligence tend to perform their jobs better. They also achieve more professional success. A CareerBuilder survey found that 71% of employers value EQ over IQ. Improving your emotional intelligence skills might help you land that new job or gain a promotion. 

6. A higher salary

Improving your emotional intelligence can also lead to a higher salary. Travis Bradberry is the co-author of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” His book states that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence. Much of their success stems from the ability to handle difficult situations with poise. 

As an emotionally intelligent person, you can manage stress and negative emotions in a healthy manner. You can use your EQ to communicate your needs and wants clearly. Such interpersonal skills can make you appear reliable and trustworthy in the workplace.

How coaching can help improve your emotional intelligence

Working with a coach can increase your emotional intelligence. A professional can help you develop strategies and techniques to identify difficult emotions. From there, you can learn how to manage your own emotions.

Time and again, coaching has proven to have a positive impact on well-being. Those who landed within the bottom 25% of any parameter at the start of their journey experienced significant success. They had a 90% improvement in stress management, a 77% increase in mental fitness, and much more. 

Coaching works because it caters to your personal goals. BetterUp coaches use science-backed methodology to inform personal development strategies. Together, you and a professional coach will identify your strengths. You’ll find areas of improvement and create a roadmap to achieve your goals.

Raise your emotional intelligence skills to raise your well-being

Improving your emotional intelligence skills enhances every part of your life. In a professional setting, it helps you clearly communicate your needs and expectations. It also increases the compassion you show your coworkers and team.

A high EQ allows you to identify your personal emotional triggers, manage stress, and navigate complex emotions. With 1:1 coaching, you can achieve your EQ-level goals and build a more fulfilling life.