Here is how you can become assertive in the workplace and outside of it.
Use “I” statements
Being assertive is all about getting your needs respected and your point of view valued. It’s not about judging others or telling someone they are lesser than you because they are wrong.
Use “I” statements in your sentences to avoid pointing fingers. This will help you develop assertive communication.
Here is an example of being assertive. Instead of saying, “you need to stop taking my parking space,” try, “I feel upset and uncomfortable that I can’t access my parking space.”
Practice eye contact
Look at the other person in the eye and avoid shifting your gaze when you feel like shrinking away.
You can practice this with someone you’re comfortable with at first if you find this difficult.
Use body language
Body language can communicate confidence or lack thereof. Keep your posture upright, and your head held high during conversations.
Avoid crossing your arms and legs. Lean forward, but don’t take over the other person’s space. This will avoid aggression.
Get comfortable saying “no”
Practice saying no without beating around the bush.
Be direct and use the word “no,” not an alternative. Let’s say you don’t want to work late again to do unpaid overtime.
Here’s an assertive example. Instead of saying:
“I don’t think I’ll come in tonight.”
Say:
“No. I don’t feel like doing unpaid overtime is fair.”
Rehearse your conversations
If you’re still feeling nervous about being more assertive, practice your conversations in front of a mirror.
Keep your practice conversations clear and direct. You can get a feel for what your statements will sound like in a real situation.
Watch your emotions
When you start standing up for yourself, you may not get what you want right away.
Remember that it’s a conversation, which means there will be some back and forth.
Stay mindful of what’s going on with your emotions, and don’t speak out spontaneously out of frustration or anger. Instead, practice mindful breathing and take your time before responding.
Remember that you can’t control others
Assertive communication is all about making sure your voice gets heard and respected. It’s not about controlling what others do.
Control slips into the territory of aggression, so keep this in mind.
Remain open to positive and negative feedback
Be open to hearing compliments and receiving them without downplaying them. It’s important to know how to ask for and receive feedback.
On the flip side, be ready to hear constructive criticism without acting defensively. Both types of feedback are necessary to help you improve.
Express yourself positively
Be constructive when speaking your mind and avoid negativity when possible.
Remain respectful of other people, even when you’re dealing with a negative or difficult situation.
Practice assertiveness in low-risk situations
You don’t have to start your assertive journey by confronting your manager.
Start small and practice assertive behavior in low-risk situations.
You can try this out with someone who is safe, like a partner or a close friend. It should be with someone you trust at first.
How to deal with non-assertive people?
How you can deal with non-assertive people depends on whether they are aggressive or passive. Let’s explore what you can do for each type of person.
Aggressive: acknowledge their feelings
Even if someone is being aggressive, they have a right to feel how they feel.
Acknowledge their feelings by saying something like this:
“I can see that this has made you angry and that you’re upset about this situation.”
Passive: encourage contribution by asking for their opinions
If you notice someone is using passive behavior, be proactive and ask for their opinion.
They may not speak up unless asked. This will help them take a step toward assertiveness.
Let’s say you notice someone is especially quiet during a meeting. You can ask:
“What are your thoughts on this?
Aggressive: pause before you respond to an outburst
If an aggressive person has an outburst, don’t respond right away. You’ll risk responding with aggression.
Wait for a moment or count to 10. This will help you avoid responding in an automatic or aggressive manner.
Passive: use body language to show you value their opinion
Show that you are interested in what the other person is saying. Ask relevant questions and use body language to show interest.
Nod, smile, maintain eye contact and avoid disinterested body language like turning away or crossing your arms.
Aggressive: find common ground
Find areas in which you have something in common with the other person.
Don’t focus too much on what you disagree on. Instead, try to find ways to see eye-to-eye.
Use assertiveness to advance your career
Assertiveness can help you meet your wants and needs so you can be happier in your workplace.
It can also help you gain the respect of your peers and move forward in your career.
Learn how to be assertive by getting personalized coaching with BetterUp.